For Dusti.....

Dusti over at the Hodgkins board mentioned that she wanted to see my whole face, and also a pic of Lorraine and I together. This one on the right shows me with my little guy, Louie. Is he not adorable?? We had a great walk in the forest that day -- so much to sniff!


This second pic shows Lorraine and I out at one of our favorite haunts, Bertha's. This pic was taken at the start of my treatment.



This last smoochy one isn't very flattering of either Lorraine or me, but I don't care -- I love it! I honestly wasn't trashed -- I was just really feeling that kiss!
Sorry this is a quick one -- I'm off now to take Lorraine back to the airport to fly out. She was ony here for 2 nights, and now she's off for Georgia again. It pretty much sucks without her, but we're counting downt he weeks. She'll come back this Friday -- my last day at work -- to help finalize everything with the house before closing on Thursday. We're nearing the home stretch on that, but truly it's pretty overwhelming. Some key components of the move are still up in the air, so I trust I'll feel a bit better (and so will she) once we have more of a sense of how it's all going to go down.

I'll be back soon to report on my recent weight loss -- 6 pounds this week! -- and the latest with my follow-up care.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I am in the calm before the storm. Or is it the storm before the calm? I am in the countdown to my last day at work, with so much to do at home yet before the movers come to pack up the house. Probably half of our belongings -- apart from the furniture, that is -- is in storage. But there still is the division of that which will go into storage from that which will go into our interim apartment. There remains the last bit of painting -- backs of doors, some molding.

With Lorraine gone, I'm feeling fairly overwhelmed. Taking care of the 7 cats and Louie (a pretty high maintenance little dog!) is just a whole hell of a lot of work. I'm definitely feeling the workload with Lorraine away. With 10 hour days it's hard. Whaaahhhhh...sorry for the pity party!

I do still have to find a couple of new onc's to interview and set up appointments with them down in Atlanta. I also still have to pick up all of my scans and medical records. And I still need to let Dr. Chaudhry (my onc) know that I'm about to go!

Lorraine's coming home this weekend, and I'm just beside myself! Damn, I like that girl. It will have been 2 weeks -- the longest we've ever been apart. Then she'll come back a week later to help prepare for the movers to come, help finish up some last minute house stuff (returning the cable modems and boxes -- stuff like that) and to be here for settlement on the 23rd. Then we're in the Camry with all the animals, headed for Newnan! I've got to say, that whole process -- the movers/the animals/the drive down from Baltimore with them -- that's the most daunting of all of this. I know we'll get through it, but MAN! It's a lot.

I'll close with a couple of pic's of our new house:

Update

Hello, world.

My, my, but there's a lot to report. I've sold my home in Baltimore, I'm building another one outside of Atlanta, my partner Lorraine is in Georgia now training for her new job, I'm finishing things out at my job, I have a 1 cm. active node in my chest and am in "watch and wait" mode, and I've gained weight. Life goes on.

The House:

This pic is of the model; our home will differ slightly. It's a large, lovely ranch with a large walk-up attic bonus room that will function as our home gym. We're so excited about it! Prepare for an agonizing number of details at a later date.

The Remission:
My oncologist has instructed me not to worry, but it's rather concerning. As you may recall, I got a clean PET (meaning I was cancer-free) at the halfway point of my six months of chemo. Then, a couple of weeks after chemo ended, I was scanned again and had another clean PET. My next scan was at the end of November (originally scheduled for December but moved up when I found a lump on my collarbone.) That scan showed nothing on my collarbone, but there was active uptake in my chest. My oncologist told me to wait two months and then rescan. She felt that because I'd responded so positively to chemo, this would probably end up being nothing. The second scan, at the end of January showed the same uptake. It was followed by a CT scan, which verified that I do indeed still have a 1 cm. node in my chest. My onc says that it's too small to biopsy, and too small to treat. She feels we should rescan either in a few months or before I leave, whichever comes first. Of course, she didn't know then that we were moving so soon. Settlement on the house we've sold is March 23rd, so we'll head out that day!

I'm anxious and uneasy, but trying to remain positive. I can only trust that she has more knowledge than I have fear.

I'll have a new oncologist in Atlanta, so I'll be interested to hear their take on things. Remission is terrifying, almost more than diagnosis. You cling to it like a life preserver in deep, dark waters, fearing like death its slip from your grasp. Some folks let the fear rule them. I don't think I fall into that group, but I have let the fear affect me. I know that the weight I've gained since chemo's end is due in great part to my clouded optimism. I think I'm going to have to get over that. Or get over myself -- whichever is more applicable!

It's awful to hear of others' relapses. There have been a few over at the Hodgkins message board I frequent -- hearing of a young woman's death was particularly hard. Now this morning I read of Maureen's relapse, and it just breaks my heart. I guess the fear and uncertainty just come with the territory when you've had cancer, and when you share friendship and contact with other cancer survivors, you're bound to feel pain when you hear someone's bad news. It hurts your heart, your stomach gets punched in, and you feel this enormously heavy weight. I saw this bumper sticker the other day, and it really struck a chord with me: "Whoever said winning isn't everything never had to fight cancer." True dat. I never was a very competitive girl, but cancer is just so black and white, isn't it?

I apologize for the somber tone of this post -- I am just so sad about Maureen's news it's weighing heavily on my mind (and heart.) She's a very strong, pretty fabulous woman (check out her blog -- you might actually have read one of her books.)

I won't stay away so long next time, I promise.