It's all crazy

Whew! Well, I finally dragged my caboose back in here to give a quick report on what's been going on with me. It's rather a lot -- or so it seems to me -- so I will endeavor to keep myself on track.

* I'm feeling stronger and stronger -- I'd put myself at about 80-85% now, although if I exercised daily I'm sure my stamina would improve.

* Lorraine's feeling better -- the 30-day regimen of intravenous antibiotics seems to have done the trick and, while she's not at 100% either, her energy is finally approaching its pre-Lyme levels. She's also still smoke-free!! So exciting! It's now almost 5 months. (And yes, she still talks all the time about wanting to smoke.)

* My work is going well -- it's extraordinarily busy, and the days are long, but I'm finding my abilities to concentrate, multitask and remember details are, while not as they were pre-chemo, about 50% better than they were immediately after chemo. There's clearly some sort of wiring difficulty still -- like I'll say "seafood store" instead of "tropical fish store," or call a semi a "modified van," or I'll swear that I remember putting something someplace and I'll find I never did. Names? Forget it! (And I'm a recruiter with 16 positions open! Kind of an issue.)

* Lorraine's learned that she's almost certainly going to get laid off at the turn of the year, so she's wildly searching for a new job. Because we knew that we wanted to leave this area anyway, we're planning to move to a town south of Atlanta (where a couple of friends live.)

* We're putting our Maryland home on the market at the end of next week, so we have a lot of work to do (while working full time) to get it show-ready. It's so much work, as many of you know.

* We've selected a builder for our new home, but we're narrowing down the floor plans to the best one we can afford. Regardless, we're looking at doubling our square footage, getting a deluxe, upgraded kitchen and master bath, sunroom and study and just so, so much more, for $20K less than our current home's listing price. Then we'll spend that on a small pool for the back yard of the new home! We have a lot of work to do, but it's very exciting....and more than a little scary, in that we depleted our savings this year and don't yet have jobs lined up. (She's down there interviewing as we speak.)

* I have a lump on my collar bone that wasn't there before, so I'm really very afraid. I had a check up with my oncologist a few weeks ago and she gave me a happy thumbs-up based on a physical test and blood results -- but no scan or x-ray. We'd planned on my getting a PET scan right before the end of the year, but I'm going to move it up immediately. I'm going to try to set it up for this week. (I just found the lump coming home from our annual Thanksgiving pilgrimage to New Jersey. What? You mean you don't do that? *snicker*) I haven't said anything to Lorraine yet -- she's already so freaked out with all the other uncertainties in our lives that I don't want to worry her needlessly. If it's the worst, we'll deal with it together, but for now, I'm worrying alone. (And no, she doesn't read this.)

As for living on plan -- not so much. I was exercising a few days a week, but using our exercise bike, elliptical and treadmill; now that all the exerise equipment is in storage (pre-listing, pre-move preparations,) I'm going to have to switch to my trusty old Walk Away the Pounds tapes. Eats are on-again, off-again. We're going through so much between the trips down to Atlanta and the pre-selling home improvement/beautification stuff -- all while we're both still working full time -- I'm finding the advance meal preparation thing a bit challenging at present. I'm making responsible choices much more than I don't, though. Since June, and the end of chemo, my weight is up 10 pounds. Not good. I'm not happy about it, but I'm not beating myself up over it either -- it's been an extraordinarily stressful and difficult year for us, and we're looking forward to a healthier and more productive one in 2006.

Any prayers or positive vibes you could send my way would be greatly appreciated. I'd really like to hear that this lump on my collarbone is just nothing at all -- and most definitely not Hodgkins.